Ramblings of a Perpetually Tanned Filipina

When most people think that you talk for hours, I think it's about you having so much personality that you don't want to keep things to yourself and not let others know what they need to know. When some think you meddle with their lives, I think it's about you being a concerned person that sometimes you care so much. I may not have the chance to tell you this in person, but I want you to know how THANKFUL I am for everything that you have done for me and our whole family. Thank you for sending me to school and for providing me and deebo things we need. Thanks for being a very supportive in everything. Thank you for always being proud of us. Most of all, thank you for being a praying grandmother. I'm sorry for the times when I'm annoyed when you give me confusing tips, getting lost on trips, or when you get so stressed out with simple things. I know in my heart that the whole family is blessed to have you in our lives. Even if I would be given the chance to choose a ...

November 9-10, 2009 This will be a blow by blow account of my medical exam that took place last week. If you want to be first in line, you can be there as early as 3am, but I went there at 5am because I wanted to make sure that I am safe while taking the exam and I don't want to wait in line for 2-3 hours. It was a good move, since they were already accepting applicants at 5am and I got in around 5:20am and I was the 54th applicant of the day. Make sure to have the following ready: 1. Passport 2. 4 2x2 visa pictures (they will only take 3 though, but I brought 4 since that's their requirement) 3. Original and photocopy of approval letter from the embassy 4. Print out of your interview schedule 5. Black ballpoint pen 6. Payment (213.35 - exchange rate is at 48) Flow chart: 1. At 5:30 I already got in and filled out the Patient Data Sheet form. Memorize your fiance's address and phone number or at least have a copy of it. 2. The guard called us up for the digital picture taki...

It feels like September once again. I have never felt so much pain like this since last year.One bucket is not enough for the tears I have shed out of a mistake that I have committed and I was very sorry for committing. It was a mistake not meant to offend but it did happen and it is something I promised to correct. What is more painful is when you are seen as someone who is not worth the forgiveness and someone who is no one else but mean and heartless. I am not denying the fact that I can be mean and heartless sometimes, but today is the last day in mind that I had any intentions of being mean or heartless. It was a mistake and I am regretful for what I have done. But maybe I am just not good enough to be forgiven. Maybe I have mean and heartless written all over my forehead 'coz I can certainly feel that now. Today I felt very much less of the person that I am. I felt like I am my own disappointment, that everytime I tried to divert my attention, the pain just crushes my heart. ...

Bags, just like my pair of shoes and piles of clothes, tend to fill my closet. I buy bags not just for comfort, but I also make sure that it suits my personality. I haven't been obsessing about bags for months now,until I saw this Kathy Van Zeeland bag today. I was trying to ignore it for two reasons: 1. I still have bags that I haven't used and are just sitting quietly inside my closet 2. It is not the normal bag I would buy that would cost me less than a thousand pesos. I was hesitant to buy it until I saw its uniqueness from the other bags I saw and I felt like the bag was calling me. It was letting me know that I need to get it. I felt like this bag wasn't the common brand I can see in stores that would sell fake stuff. I never knew what a Kathy Van Zeeland brand is in the first place. LOL! I never go for designer bags 'coz I think it's impra...

SUTURES January 26,2008 9:30am I just woke up even if i knew for a fact that i have a dental appointment by 10am. 9:45am Still in bed thinking of what to wear. The dental assistant texted me and informed me that i need to take hemostan an hour before surgery...it's almost 10am..geezuz! 10:30am arrived at the dental clinic. half an hour late from my appointment. I just apologized and told the doctor that I took hemostan only 15 mins ago. He just nodded. 10:45 am I am comfortably seated on the dental chair with red dental gum patches in my mouth. can't feel my lips now.... then there goes 6 shots of local anesthesia... These were some of the events that took place during my first ever dental surgery. I never thought my mouth could be this complicated and mind you, expensive! I went there alone because i wanted to overcome my fear of going to the dentist and having that long needle stuck inside my mouth for the local anesthesia. I wasn't farting. that's a good sign. ...

If ever there is a wish I could grant myself, if not the whole world, Selective Amnesia will be it - the ability to erase from permanent memory any event, trauma, moments of immense pleasure or extreme pain at will without affecting other memories. It’s the same concept of the movie " Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." How I wish I can erase memories that are keeping me stranded in my life’s drama. Response to pain is the most basic reflex action. But, to endure the same pain everyday, once you’ve learned the lesson, will allow it to fester wounds deep within your soul until it grows to such proportions that it slowly begins to kill you on the inside. Until Science finds a way to make Eternal Sunshine a reality, I guess each of us will have to continue to bear our cross to our end and live in the eternal fear of somebody else discovering the skeletons that we so deeply bury in the graves of our conscience.

Saturday, June 21st, 2008 I come from a broken family. It’s not that I am proud to be in this situation, but I am blessed to be part of this family. I have the choice to be bitter and rebellious, but I chose to take the road less traveled. I don’t think I have the right to ruin my life because that would only make matters worse. My mom went through a lot of heartaches and breaking her heart once again is something I cannot forgive myself doing. I may not have my dad with us, but the Lord never left us. He has been my eternal father and He gave me a great mom to take care of me and my brother. I don’t remember an instance where I was in lack during my college years. I have supportive grandparents who sent me to school and helped me throughout my whole 4 years in college. I don’t consider myself lucky. I am BLESSED. It feels weird everytime I see a home with a mom and dad and with kids living harmoniously. My family was complete until I turned 17. I had the pangs of bittern...