Déjà vu at its worse

It feels like September once again.

I have never felt so much pain like this since last year.One bucket is not enough for the tears I have shed out of a mistake that I have committed and I was very sorry for committing. It was a mistake not meant to offend but it did happen and it is something I promised to correct.

What is more painful is when you are seen as someone who is not worth the forgiveness and someone who is no one else but mean and heartless. I am not denying the fact that I can be mean and heartless sometimes, but today is the last day in mind that I had any intentions of being mean or heartless. It was a mistake and I am regretful for what I have done. But maybe I am just not good enough to be forgiven. Maybe I have mean and heartless written all over my forehead 'coz I can certainly feel that now.

Today I felt very much less of the person that I am. I felt like I am my own disappointment, that everytime I tried to divert my attention, the pain just crushes my heart.

I am not perfect, I never claimed to be perfect. In fact I screw up most of the time. But I hope that someone would just believe the message that I want to get across and would not condemn me as if I am the world's greatest criminal.

Today I just felt that I can never be good enough. All of my efforts are taken for granted because of a mistake I regret doing. Maybe there are just people who are not worth the forgiveness and there are those who will always be loved no matter how cunning they become. Maybe I will always remain someone else's disappointment and someone else's waste of airspace.

I am a woman with flaws and I'm sorry for being one.

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Ramblings of a Perpetually Tanned Filipina

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